Adventures in Kirbysitting
by Epesi B
Summary: It was a stroke of luck for both of them that Daroach happened to be visiting the Popopo Islands at the same time as Kirby. A series of vignettes about a duplicitous criminal, his gang, and the ten tiny puffballs they've found themselves looking after. Based on Mass Attack, naturally.


A/N: Daroach's lines in _Mass Attack_ might be my favorite part of the game. The story is more or less built around them, and as such a few are preserved verbatim. Of course, I've taken some liberties, because video game logic does not always make for a good read. At least, I hope it's a good read. I'll shut up now.

* * *

"Welcome, my little friend! Or should I say...friends?"

Daroach greeted the ten miniature versions of Kirby as they shuffled onto the bridge of his airship, tripping and climbing and tumbling over one another as each struggled to be in the same place at once. As soon as he had heard from his Squeakers about the puffball's predicament, the thief had dropped everything to locate them and invite them aboard. Kirby was obviously in need of help, and Daroach smelled an opportunity.

The huddled pink puffs looked up at him, their identical faces showing a range of emotions. Most seemed to recognize him, and while some looked relieved to see a familiar face, others seemed wary of a past enemy. Daroach couldn't blame them; though their score had been settled, it was hard to erase a bad first impression. He'd just have to start over.

"We were never properly introduced before, were we?" He took off his hat and bowed showily, with a flourish of his cape. "I am Daroach, the captain of the treasure-hunting Squeaks."

The Kirbys responded all at once in a shrill, discordant chorus, largely consisting of "Hiiii!" Daroach winced at the cacophony, pinning his ears back until it died down.

"A pleasure," he said flatly, his ears still ringing. He quickly set that small irritation aside, however, donning his hat once more and putting on a disarming smile with it. "So, it looks like you've found yourself in some trouble, hmm? And I'm willing to bet my hat it was Necrodeus who did this to you."

There was a much quieter chorus in response, the Kirbys growing subdued with varying amounts of fear and anger at the thought of the one who had nearly killed them all.

"Now, I can't put you back together myself," Daroach continued, to the Kirbys' visible dismay. He shook his head apologetically. "That kind of magic is out of my league, I'm afraid. But don't look so depressed! I wasn't finished yet. I can't reverse the spell, but I _can_ help you. And I think you can help me as well."

The Kirbys all looked up at him with wide, curious eyes, a few of them tilting to one side or the other quizzically. Daroach drifted a little lower, closer to their level.

"These islands can be deadly to the unprepared, but I know them and their dangers. I can set you on the right path, tell you what's safe and what's not. I'll keep an eye on you from up here, and you can come aboard any time you need to rest. It pays to have friends in high places, yes?"

The puffballs nodded, and a few vague sounds of agreement were mumbled.

"In return, I only ask a little favor," Daroach said sweetly, still smiling in that deliberately unassuming way. The puffballs looked more curious than ever.

"It's lucky that I happened to be in the area when I was, but I'm not here on leisure," he explained, reaching for something hidden in his cloak. "I have sniffed out a stash of riches that I _must_ possess." He produced a large gold coin and held it up so that the sunlight hit it just right, dazzling the wide-eyed little puffs. "Medals, on this island!"

Daroach paused for effect, holding the coin up for the Kirbys to ogle for a few moments before hiding it away again.

"I've been working to track down their locations - no easy task, let me tell you. If I'm going to help you and still keep looking for their whereabouts, that leaves me without much time to go out and retrieve them all myself. I think you see what I'm getting at...

"So," he said, with a beguiling smile, "would you help me collect these medals?"

To his mild surprise, the Kirbys went into a huddle to discuss the offer among themselves, and their deliberation lasted a few moments. Despite his keen hearing, Daroach was unable to understand what any of them were saying; the low murmuring of ten identical, high-pitched voices blended together into an impenetrable drone. Finally, the group turned to face him again, and shook their heads.

"No," one at the front said, and a few others proceeded to echo him.

For a moment, Daroach was completely dumbfounded. Perhaps it had been overconfident of him, but he had simply given little serious thought to the possibility that Kirby might decline. He caught himself quickly, hiding his shock behind a front of cool amusement, but he was glad now that he had decided to meet with his guest alone; had Spinni seen his brief slip, he was sure he'd have heard no end of it from her.

"_No_? Oh, I see! You are toying with Daroach, like a cat plays with a mouse." The smile he gave them now had a sardonic edge to it. "You say _no_ when you mean _yes_! Daroach likes a good sense of humor. And do you know what I like even more?"

The Kirbys looked as if they genuinely had no idea what he was going to say next. He leaned a little closer.

"_Medals!_"

Daroach smirked at the array of sullen expressions the puffs gave in response, but the smile quickly faded as he began to regret letting his annoyance get the better of him like that. You catch more flies with honey...

"I suppose it must sound like I'm just trying to swindle you," he sighed remorsefully, turning away from them. "And who can blame you for thinking so? I am a thief and a scoundrel. I can't expect you to trust me."

He waited a few moments with his back turned to them, playing it up until he heard soft footsteps as a few of the Kirbys padded closer. The thief grinned to himself for a moment before turning to face them again, looking genuinely contrite.

"I am sorry, my friend. I wasn't thinking of how you must feel, with all you're going through right now. It's just that I'm a single-minded sort of rogue; I keep my eyes on the prize, and sometimes I forget to take a step back and look at the whole picture."

His performance was helped by the fact that he wasn't _entirely_ insincere. In any case, the Kirbys were eating it up. One of them came forward with his nubs out as if to give him a hug; Daroach just gave him a pat on the head and a halfhearted smile.

"I wish I could help you more, but there's only so much I can do, I'm afraid. I'd fly you places, but I can't pilot my ship anywhere near those thick clouds."

He gestured toward the window behind him, and the Kirbys piled on top of one another to see out. A bank of dense clouds had settled over much of the island, obscuring it from view and completely cutting off access by air. Daroach knew they weren't natural, and he strongly suspected they were the work of Necrodeus. Their recent appearance was almost certainly a bad omen, but more importantly, they had posed a major obstacle in his search for the medals; they had already set his plans back by a day and forced him to reevaluate his approach.

Yet today, the clouds had begun to clear little by little, in a pattern which coincided with the reports of Kirby's appearance and movements on the island. Where nothing the Squeaks had tried made the clouds budge at all, Kirby just seemed to blunder into success wherever he went. That would have been frustrating if it didn't happen to be so convenient in this instance. Even if he refused to help with the actual collection, Kirby would still prove useful to Daroach.

"Well, not to worry, my friend," he said, patting the nearest puffball on the head again. "I'm no heartless crook. I'll still help you, medals or no medals. Return to me any time you need advice."

* * *

When Kirby did return some time later, Daroach greeted him as warmly as before, albeit slightly distracted; moments ago, he had had his nose buried in a collection of books and documents on local lore, hunting for any clues he could find. He hoped the Kirbys would leave again soon so he could get back to it.

They quickly earned his full attention, however, when one strode forward from the group with something golden grasped in his tiny nubs. Daroach stared down at the gleaming coin with wide eyes, and when he tentatively held out a paw, the little puff smiled and offered the medal up to him.

"Have you reconsidered?" Daroach asked hopefully.

The first Kirby nodded, and several others repeated the action behind him. "Uh-huh!"

"Excellent!" Daroach admired the treasure for a long moment before pocketing it and giving Kirby another affectionate pat on the head. "Thank you, my friend. Your help will be much appreciated."

It was just like they said, he thought with a wry chuckle. Kindness was its own reward.


End file.
